Portfolio
Studies of the Human Condition
I use nature to explore, understand and communicate intense feelings and ultimately hope to show the human condition that is life.
Mindful Reflections of the Inner Mind
I use mindfulness to float with my feelings, enabling my inner mind to produce pieces from my subconscious.
Studies of the Human Condition
Third Mind Created to Protect Me
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Ballpoint Pen on Watercolour Paper - 2023
I created an inner voice that I now understand was my minds way of protecting me from rejection and abandonment. It's the the side of me that likes control, it is very regimented, it is very self critical. I've managed to capture that by surrounding the tree with sharp lines, and contrasting tones.
Consumed by My Third Mind
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Ballpoint Pen - Red and Black / Watercolour Paper - 2023
This Piece represents how a part of my brain (Bipolar and BPD) consumes me with self doubt, self criticism, fear and negativity. When my shitty inner voice gets going it's all that I hear in my head. It's an endless stream of negativity, which permeates my life and thoughts. It's tiring and never stopes.
#MyBrain Pressed Play
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Ballpoint Pen - Red and Black / Watercolour Paper - 2023
My mind had been pretty quiet for about 2/3 months, then wham, it went in to full overdrive! Overthinking, replaying conversations, forgetting positive events, constant background music (in my head) and a constant negative voice. It's tiring and inevitable that I end up forgetting 'self care'
Journey 2
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Ballpoint Pen on Watercolour Paper - 2022
Using a visual representation to show the journey we go through in life. The ups, the deep downs and the obstacles that are are put in our way, whether physical or mental.
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Journey 1 - 2022
Journey 3 - 2022
Waiting For Death
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Ink Wash and Ballpoint Pen on Used Postcards - 2022
I did this as I was thinking about how monotonous life can get. Doing the same boring tasks each day: getting up, walking the dog, going to work, walking the dog, sleep and repeat.
You begin to think that all you are here for is to wait for death, and actually we’re all doing that.
A lot of people have it sorted, they get that ‘it’s about what you do with the time between birth and death that makes life worth it’.
Lady of the Rings 4
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Pencil wash and Graphite Pencil on Watercolour Paper - 2022
This represents the hollow feeling i have inside. It’s part of my BPD, that I’m learning to live with. Can anything fill my soul
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Lady of the Rings 1 - 2023
Lady of the Rings 2- 2023
Lady of the Rings 3 - 2023
The Devil Within 1
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Tea Wash and Ballpoint Pen on Watercolour Paper - 2022
It’s strange how so much power is given to the changing of the year. Like it has some sort of magical ability to change you as a person, or wipe the previous 365 days away.
Unfortunately it doesn’t. For me it’s just the next day. The next day I have to battle through. The next day where I think about being an idiot, evil, or a twat.
So here’s to the next day of battling the devil within me.
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The Devil Within 2 - 2022
Poles Apart
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Ink Wash and Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2022
North & South and Head & Heart seem so far apart, the furthest they have ever been. The connection failing and the strength I once had all but gone. I try to bring them together but fail on this task every day.
When all hope is lost I see emptiness.
Three Stages Hoping For Four
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Tea Wash, Ballpoint Pen, and Pencil on Watercolour Paper - 2022
This piece represents the journey that I started when I reached out for help with my Mental Health. I started with a heart that had learnt to protect itself from everything/everyone (hiding who I was, being numb inside), to opening up and thinking that maybe people do care, to now, trying not to believe that I am alone, there is no help and I need to wrap my heart even tighter!
Pinned Down by Pain
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Ballpoint Pen - Red and Black on Postcards - 2022
That emotional/mental pain that feels like you have been stabbed in the heart, the pain and tiredness that keeps you glued to the floor, glued to the safety of 4 walls.
You can’t step out of the front door because of the triggers that you see when you leave, you restrict yourself to what you watch and listen to in hope that it won’t trigger the pain.
But some how the pain is still there, still holding you back, or is it the expectation of the pain? The pain you can’t live with, the pain that you realise no one wants to help you through!
Dissociation
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Natural made Ink Wash (Autumn Leaves) with Ballpoint Pen - Red and Black on Watercolour Paper - 2022
Sometimes I dissociate from the world without knowing it, I only realise I’ve been doing it once I come out of it. People start to appear, the world suddenly becomes more than the road in front of move.
Other times I deliberately try to dissociate, as the world and my feelings become too much. I physically ‘run’ away (run/walk 100 miles a week, for weeks on end).
I was trying to explore this feeling through the disconnection of the trees roots from the heart, of to one side, apart, but still connecting through the need to breath.
Protected by my Third Mind 3
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Tea Wash and Graphite Pencil on Watercolour Paper
My third mind protects me more and more, the more I travel through the world, and open up the stronger it gets, the more it protects.
Drink Drinkeroo, Drinkypoo, Drinky Drink
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Wine and Ballpoint Pen - Red and Black on Postcards - 2022
I remember starting this one with the intention of producing something totally different.
But, as this piece now reminds me, i really shouldn’t drink! Especially not drinking and drawing at the same time.
Spilt my red wine over this, but rather than throw it out I went with the mistake. I like to think this shows how drinking is never the answer for me, it increases anxiety, pain, panic and despair.
TeaTree
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Tea Wash and Graphite Pencil on Watercolour Paper - 2022
Made from a tea stain
Dark Chaos, Dark Chaos
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Ink and Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2022
Sometimes my brain is so loud, with multiple conversations, a full on rave and a bucket full of emotions. and at the route of this is always my bpd thoughts.
The overriding one that I start my day with and almost always go to sleep with is ‘I am an evil, disgusting person’
It’s always been this way, and I don’t know if it will ever go, but sometimes I can reflect on it a little.
Mindful Reflections of the Inner Mind
Red
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Ballpoint Pen on postcards 2025
Repetition of Thought 2
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Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2022
Triggered State 2
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Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2022
Triggered State 4
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Ballpoint Pen, Post-it-Notes on Postcards - 2022
Gut Wrenching Panic Trying to get Out
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Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2023
Lost
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Tea Wash and Ballpoint Pen on Postcards
Lost, I feel this often. Not sure where I am going, or why. I decided to let my my subconscious mind do the work on this one, letting out this thought and the pressure and panic it creates in my brain.
Triggered State 3
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Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2022
Triggered State 1
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Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2023
Knotted
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Ink and Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2022
I usually feel fairly anxious or full of panic. and sometimes it can be really extra, like extra strength paracetamol.
It can be hard living with a knot in my stomach, in my shoulders, in my body. A knot that I feel I have to contain and hide from everyone.
Contained
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Ballpoint Pen on Postcards - 2022
Can you Trust Anyone?
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Ballpoint Pen - Red and Black on Postcards - 2023
Completed while thinking about trust.
Can u really trust anyone? Or anything? Honest question, does anyone have the answer?
Over and over
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Ink Wash and Ballpoint Pen on postcards - 2023
Wandering Aimlessly
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Ballpoint Pen and Ink Wash / Watercolour Paper - 2023
My hand and my mind was wandering aimlessly while producing this piece. It feels like this reflects the times in my life when I'm not present, I'm just walking with no direction. Going through life with no direction.
Repetition of Thought 1
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Ballpoint Pen on Watercolour Paper - 2022